She-Wolf I Read online

  She-Wolf I

  Gaëlle BONNASSIEUX

  Translated from French by Louise Mulheim, in association with the author.

  Gaëlle BONNASSIEUX

  All rights reserved © — 2020

  To Aloïs, for her patience and endless enthusiasm.

  Chapter 1

  All of a sudden, my bronze eyes opened. I knew that today, everything would change. My instincts never failed me. Even though my mind was still clouded by the night, I could feel the pack stirring up. All the agitated thoughts of my fellow lycanthropes were hammering my head. What a nice way to start the day.

  My phone started ringing – it was time to get up. And so, I reluctantly did. My muscles were because I’d gone running last night, and I wish I could have slept three or four days more, but duty was calling.

  I tugged at the curtains, and the daylight attacked my retinas. I sighed with exasperation, I really was not a morning person these days, and as I opened the window ajar, I discovered a shitty weather. The greyness of the sky laid endlessly and tuned with the darkness of the clouds releasing torrents of water. The sound of these heavy drops of rain crashing on the ground was pounding in my head like a jackhammer — because of that damn supernatural hearing.

  Puddles were taking shape on the soil, thus letting mud caress the bottom of the trees, which showed flowery branches all the way to their immense peaks. The fragile and delicate buds were quivering and nearly snatched away because of the weight of the freezing water. There was a sun ray in the distance, coming out of nowhere through the drabness of the sky. It reached my window and was gladly welcomed. Despite the awful weather, there was still heat, overwhelming yet comforting, and the odor of the soil soaked with rain did put me in a better mood.

  When my alpha barged into my room without knocking or permission to enter, I kissed my relaxed spirits goodbye. “Madelyne!” he bawled.

  I did my best not to roll my eyes at him or sigh with exasperation once again. I remained just a second more gazing at the mischievous sun which warmed up my fingertips. I had to be strong, in order to be polite, mannerly and tame, pretty much what every good female in a pack of wolves ought to be. I slowly turned around, and faced William Parker, a feared and frightful alpha, who turned out to be my own. Hooray.

  He was scarlet red – it was usually so when he had fits of anger. Oops. There was a crisis coming. I should have known. The weather had left its marks on him for water was dripping from his deep blond hair onto his forehead, and it did not brighten his temper. Poor guy. He took a step forward, snarling, with bolts of fury in his grey irises and a vein ready to pop on his temple. I remained impervious and he clenched his fists. Well, I suppose I could meet him halfway. Being a female and all, instead of staring at him and being defiant, I looked down and tilted my head to show my submission and recognize his authority. Ever since I was a little girl, I had been taught to submit, and most of the time, I was able to pretend and do so. I was able to renounce my own nature, because that’s what everyone ever asked of me. This seemed to soothe him down a bit, but I was still wide of the mark.

  “How many times did I tell you NOT to go down there?” he yelled, pacing in my room. He was giving me grief, so early in the morning! It should be forbidden by law. At the next presidential campaign, I’d run with the following platform: no arguments will be allowed as long as your victim is still in their pajamas. I’d be sure to be elected, and then I’d hire a Secretary to take care of the mishaps because obviously, if such a law were to pass, everyone would spend their life in their pj.’s.

  Anyway, I tried to remember the question William had just asked me for I did not really care about it and had therefore not listened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, trying to be polite and to cloud the issue. That was a bad thing to say. I tried every time, and it never worked. I didn’t know why I persisted in doing so.

  My dearest alpha growled loud enough to quake the raindrops outside and leaped towards me. Even though I should have curled up like any other good female would have, I raised my head proudly and ready to put up with his anger. He brutally got a hold of my hair and pulled it downwards to get me to kneel. My scalp was searing with pain, but nothing gave it away. He pulled harder, because apparently, he could, and I surrendered, because I knew he could make me bald just like that, with a simple motion of his fist, which would be more painful, really. And ugly. My knees crashed on the parquet with a grinding noise. Thank God I had strong kneecaps.

  “Do not mess with me. Answer the question! How many times did I tell you?!” he insisted, shaking my head even angrier. The wolf inside me was starting to stir up. She hated being treated like a submissive, it wasn’t in her nature. It was not in my nature. Yet I had learned to silence that part of me. It was a matter of survival. In consequence of all those years of abuse, this animal side of myself was easier to ignore.

  I closed my eyes for a second to stop them from turning bronze: it was the cue for my animal instincts to surface. I definitely did not need that right now. I reassured the wolf, as always when that kind of incident occurred, that is to say very often. She fought me to take control, but I pushed her away.

  This was ridiculous. I knew that I was able to defeat William, I just lacked experience and practice. Because I knew that deep down, I was an alpha, maybe one even more powerful than him, I could feel it in my bones. There was this untapped strength sleeping inside which had been dashed away slowly. I had all the mistreatments I endured since I was a child to blame for it. This raw force was the proof I could beat that scoundrel. Unfortunately, our society would never give me the chance to bloom. If I was given the same odds as a man’s, I could be a great leader. But what kind of wolves would let a female lead them? What kind of wolves would submit to a woman?

  At this point, if I were to try anything against my beloved alpha, I would be crushed in a matter of seconds. Even though I claimed to be a dominant, I had no experience whatsoever. And let’s not forget the fact that the pack would attack me if anything happened to William. Yup, there was nothing to be done.

  So here I was, kneeling at the feet of a bully, as supposedly strong as a five-year-old dreaming about ruling over the world. Here I was, down on the ground, forcing my wolf-self to submit to undeserving people, only because I was expected to do so and because lycanthropes were just a bunch of outdated misogynists and phallocratic dickheads. Truth hurts. “I don’t know, a hundred times maybe?”

  “At least!” he barked as he finally let go of my hair. “What in God’s name am I going to do with you? I tried everything: threats, bribery, confinement, beatings …” He kicked Mister Cranky, my teddy bear whose name reflected his grumpy demeanor.

  My fifteen-year-old friend Danny had given it to me five years ago. Fun fact: he was William’s brother. This grouchy bear was the only thing I owned and the only gift I ever received. It had great sentimental value for it symbolized our friendship. Seeing this douchebag mishandling him irritated me utterly. I was used to being mistreated, but Mister Cranky was off limits. I attempted to stand back up, but I received a punch in the stomach, and landed on the parquet, which was not clean, by the way. I should add vacuuming to my to-do list.

  “I don’t see what the problem is, I am just visiting a friend,” I said, unwilling to shut up.

  “You don’t see what the problem is. Are you freaking kidding me?!”

  “Well rest assured I do not feel like laughing right now”

  “Shut UP!” he roared, punching a hole in the wall. Every time he came here, he made a new hole. My room was starting to look like a colander. I didn’t even bother filling those anymore.

  I heard his command, but I didn’t quiver. It went into one ear and out. However, if I were to give William an
order, would he obey? He might. So why didn’t I? Well, first, I didn’t need the pack to turn against me, and second… I was a woman. Therefore, I had to take orders. Not him.

  “Listen Billy dear, far be it from me the idea to wind you up, but you don’t think that it is time we make peace with the vampires? It’s the 21st century for heaven’s sake!” Granted, I was looking for trouble. And I found it. Actually, my jaw found it. Blood started dripping from my nose onto the wooden floor, and this steady sound reminded me of the falling rain.

  “You idiot! You want us to form an alliance with them too?”

  “Now that you mention it, I do have some ideas…” He smacked my face so strongly that the taste of blood flooded my mouth. The pain was dizzying, but the healing process was triggered and a minute later, I was as good as new. Ready to be hit again. Lucky me.

  William was still pacing in my room, and at this point, I decided not to speak. I could feel the members of the pack in my head either sharing our alpha’s anger or send their support to me. Out of the fifty-ish wolves, only four of them were on my side. A personal record.

  I remained on my knees, with my eyes lowered in submission, while he was yelling again. Do not leave the pack’s territory. Do not canoodle with vampires. Do not disobey orders. Do not give your opinion. Do not even think about peace between species. Don’t live, basically. Unless you want to be a puppet.

  He just kept wasting his breath. My eyes were roaming the forest beyond the open window, farther than the curtain of rain falling relentlessly. A daring bird was hopping about the branches of an oak, about eight hundred feet from here. It was living its best life, in spite of its soaked feathers. Soon enough, the pounding of the water crashing on the mud took over William’s voice. The rain had always been my strongest ally in this miserable life. Mighty, sometimes menacing, it’d lash everything on its path and would win every battle. A fine example on which I could rely as often as I needed to. It could also be gentle and caress nature with its translucent pearls, helping life sprouting, growing, living on. Sometimes rain could be ruthless, and curse and punish and destroy. And afterwards it’d elegantly draw back, and the wind, the sun or the night would come. One had more to learn from the rain than from life itself.

  Another smack brought me back to my room. That alpha was really starting to get on my nerves. My she-wolf was rising up again. It was harder to calm her down, but I managed. I hadn’t realized I had straightened back up during my contemplation of the rain, and I hastened to kowtow to satisfy the virility of the big bad wolf. Now that he had let his rage out and punched me a few times, he was more relaxed, and the others too. He crouched down so we could be face to face, but I submissively kept my eyes down.

  “Do not go on vampire-territory anymore. Period. I am not doing this for fun, I have to protect everyone and I don’t want a war on my hands.”

  “I understand. But if I may, as I already mentioned once or twice, vampires are willing to make peace. They will not make trouble,” I said worthlessly.

  “You are so naïve” he sighed, standing up straight. “Now get dressed Madelyne, you have things to attend to.” I held a growl back: I was as naïve as he was an angel.

  He left my room, and I heard him lock himself up in his office two floors below. I stood still for ten more minutes, just in case he might have the idea to come back up. Once I was sure to be free from him for a while, I closed the door. I picked up Mister Cranky and held it against my chest in a comforting gesture before putting him back on my bed, because in the end, he was just a teddy bear. I quickly tidied my bed, and I sighed passing in front of the new hole in my wall on my way to the shower.

  I took off my pajamas and winced: they were stained with blood. The mirror revealed the extent of the damage. My curly hair was inexplicable, I looked as if I just escaped a mental house. One of my cheekbones was already turning blue. The blood on my face had dried and covered the freckles blossoming by my nose. My lips had blown up a bit because of a tear on the bottom one. I had dark circles, which showed how physically and mentally tired I was. I resembled a historic warrior, but not a very pretty one. It would all be gone by tomorrow, but I had to do my best to conceal it until then. Other fun fact: among all the things a she-wolf has to do, that is to say submit and shut up, she also has to be beautiful, elegant and perfect no matter the circumstances. I hated it. I mean I didn’t hate pampering myself up, but I hated being forced to. I would rather wear nice clothes and makeup because I wanted to and not because the rules of the pack had decreed it.

  And to think that tomorrow, the same thing would happen. And the day after that, and the one after that… I got into the shower cabin and the cold water hurt my skin at first, but then it alleviated my sore muscles and my bruised skin. I lathered myself with ardor to take the blood and the pain away, but only the blood went down the drain. I didn’t linger, William would get pissed again if I did. I pulled off some high-waisted black jeans and a red lace blouse. I combed my dark hair out and let it dry freely: the hairdryer actually damages the curls, and besides, I didn’t have the time to style it. Some concealer for the cheekbone, eyeliner and mascara for the sad eyes, gloss for the damaged lips. It should be enough.

  I grabbed my phone on the side table, and realized it was already seven a.m. Because of this whole alpha bullshit, I was late. I put on some black heeled boots, stuffed an umbrella in my bag and didn’t bother taking a jacket when I realized how hot it actually was. I hurtled down the stairs ignoring the disapproving glance my fellow wolves cast at me. Unlike the other females of the pack, I was wont to rebel, and they couldn’t stand it.

  When I arrived in the kitchen, I discreetly stole a donut, and my stomach was fulfilled. Lola and Daniel were already waiting for me in the entryway, carrying their backpacks and wearing concerned looks. I kissed Lola’s cheek and tousled Danny’s hair in an attempt to reassure them. Aside from his physical resemblance to his brother, Daniel had nothing to do with William. He was kind, understanding and eager to change the ancient werewolf rules which spoiled the new generations rotten and tarnished their minds. Lola, who was a year older, shared this belief in spite of her parents’ skimpy spirits. She had been brainwashed all her childhood but had managed to listen to the voice of reason and developed a fiery temper which suited mine well. I was positively surprised with the fact that today’s kids were trying to wipe out the mistakes of yesterday’s adults in order to give the people of tomorrow a better future. According to me, the pack had a lot to learn from these supposedly angsty teenagers. But it was not like my opinion mattered. These kids were my only friends within the pack, and they shined bright in the darkness of werewolf society.

  We ran out to my car under a pouring rain, and I immediately started it, for we had only forty-five minutes left before class started, and it was a good thirty minutes ride. I was relying on my little, canary yellow car to be there on time. The kids remained silent until the wolf village, hidden in the woods, was out of sight, and then their voices burst forth.

  “Are you okay Maddie?”

  “My brother is a total jerk. I’m gonna try to talk to him.

  “You shouldn’t have mentioned the vampire-alliance thing.”

  “Why won’t they listen to us?”

  “I was so scared of you being banished!”

  “Guys, stop!” I would never hide anything from them. Even though they were still quite young, I didn’t doubt their intelligence and their trust. They were my friends and my allies, so they knew I was also friends with a vampire girl living all the way across town, and we shared the idea to create alliances between species, in order to build not an ideal world, because it was impossible, but a world that might move with the times and be better suited to the century we lived in. “Yes Lola, I am fine, and yes Daniel, your brother is a dipstick. I am still hoping to be listened to about the alliance, and to be banished would truly have been a relief for me. Any more questions? And did you do your homework by the way?”

  “
Yes!”

  “Nope.”

  Typical: one said white, the other said black. They were having problems tolerating each other, being both energetic and frank, and sparks often flew. Yet I was convinced they cared deeply for each other but were too proud to say so. We talked of this and that for the rest of the drive. Lola was a real clotheshorse, as one could tell by her trendy yet quirky look. She often talked of the new fashionable items, the influencers she discovered or the drawings she’d made herself. Daniel was playing a game on his phone, but I knew he was half listening. He was kind of a dilettante himself and found interest in literature and modern art as well as in computer sciences or zoology. He was one of those guys who always had something to say about any topic. The ride I gave them to school was the only moment we could share unbothered, because they would come home after school with Lola’s parents alongside the other youngsters. I therefore cherished these particular moments with them, which stopped me from turning wacko.

  I dropped them off and watched them walk away with a twinge of sadness. Sometimes I would picture myself part of a horde, in which men and women would be equal, and work together to maintain peace within species throughout the world. But no one would ever follow a female, and I didn’t have the courage to leave my few friends and my grandmother, Andrea. They were the only family I had.

  I waited until the teens were out of sight before I went off to work. In our pack, even though William had maneuvered here and there to have a steady source of income, each and every member was asked to work for a living in order to do their bit and provide for their own needs. I did find it a good idea to have everyone pitching in, but what was less cool, was that William wouldn’t let us choose what to do. His favorite could choose. That’s why I couldn’t. I was therefore a waitress in a simplistic restaurant, whose customers were mostly lower-middle class, which meant no tips. It wasn’t the best of jobs. I rather would have been allowed to draw or paint for a living, or work in a museum, or become a photographer. But hey, dishwashing is a great way to launch a career, right?